We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
