i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
