Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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