grandma shit on top of the toilet
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
