addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
