I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
