So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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