She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
