Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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