I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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