I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
