i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
