I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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