wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
