I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
