Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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