Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
