he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
