Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
dude. I can hear the air.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
