My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
