the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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