im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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