I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
