HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
