If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
