Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
