Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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