you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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