i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
