So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
