i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
