The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
