Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
