i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
