I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
