There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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