Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
