Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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