I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
