i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
