Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
