so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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