In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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