beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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