if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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