i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
