Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
