I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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