I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
