Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
