his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
