if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
