At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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