he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
